I'm a fixer....
And this is why I am really struggling at the moment. 2020, what a year. I will not go into the details as you will know why but it really is a period in my life where I am doing a lot of thinking. When you live on your own and the country is in lockdown, thinking, as well as eating does consume a lot of your time. As well as chatting to family & friends and trying to get those illusive online shops for elderly parents.
Week 6, Day 1 of Lockdown and I think I am finally finding my stride. I am not sure whether the amazing weather has helped or hindered adapting to this. But most days I have pottered in the garden, had my lunch outside, nattered to the neighbours from my front garden to theirs, got jobs done, felt the warmth of the sunshine on me whilst yearning for a hug. And when Lockdown started, I wrote a list of everything I wanted to achieve, professionally and personally. I moaned about people being furloughed who moaned to me that they were bored, and I still stand by that, but my viewpoint has changed somewhat. Have I done or even started on all the things I have wanted to do? Hell no! Here is the plan versus reality!
Planned
Read a book a week
Walk 10,000 steps a day
Lose a stone
Do a jigsaw a week
Jetwash the patio
Sort out the back garden
Start writing the book I've had inside me for ages!
Learn a language
Sign up to some courses to develop my skillset
Watch some classic films
Make sure my business survives
Maintain the physical & mental health of myself, and my family & friends.
Actual
Read 2 books in total
Daily average steps 6,500
Gained 10 pounds
Completed 2 Jigsaws, Whitby and New York. Struggling with Paris!
Yes! Patio looks fab!
Just about mastered reading, there is no way I can write as well!
Can't remember the day of the week let alone remember what it is in a different language! Downloaded an App though!
Signed up to 3 courses yes, started any? No!
Completed series 1 - 4 of The Real Housewives of Potomac, not exactly classic films, sorry!
The business is still going thankfully!
Physical & mental health? So far so good, but I've cried a LOT along the way.
Achieved on line shops for my elderly parents every week
Found out who my true friends are
Discovered I live in an amazing neighbourhood
Proper belly laughed every day
Got a great tan
Quite simply, I cannot settle to anything. My concentration is pretty much zero, my sleep is not great, I miss my swimming as that keeps me sane as well as fit, I’ve gained weight, I miss my family & friends dreadfully but it’s probably not much different to what everybody is experiencing. And I have realised I am struggling so much because I AM A FIXER!! And there is nothing at the moment that can be fixed. There is very little that we can take control of, we are just floundering in a world and life of uncertainty. We are watching Professionals rise to the biggest challenge of their lives, we are watching numbers of people die day in and day out, we are surrounded by words we had not even heard of a few months ago. Everywhere we turn, there’s people being criticised, people trying their best, new rules being introduced, processes being pulled to pieces, the constant worry of health versus the economy, life versus death. Good news is so thin on the ground and sometimes it is much easier to focus on what we do not have and what we miss, rather than what we have & what we are looking forward to. Because let’s face it, physical and mental health is what will get us through this, and I like to think the rest will fall into place.
When we started this, I wanted to look back at the potential 12 weeks of lockdown and think “at least I didn’t waste this time”. That has changed somewhat. I still stand by my comment that people that are being paid to do nothing shouldn’t moan that they are bored to people who getting no financial help. They should be hugely thankful for the support that they are getting from the government. Because I for one, might have ticked more off my list if I was getting anything from the government. And I still stand by the fact that if someone who is self employed wants to moan about not getting 80% of their true earnings from the government because they don’t declare what they truly earn, they too can shut up and moan to someone who cares……..
But what I do and do not do, achieve or do not achieve during this time, I will look back having learnt a couple of invaluable lessons.
1) I have learnt the true value of friendship.
2) I am not a failure to my parents because when you discuss the pros and cons of self-furloughing yourself, one of the biggest cons was I would feel like a failure if I had to ask for financial help from my parents.
3) When there is a dark cloud outside, I have to fight a little harder to make sure that there is not a dark cloud inside.
4) Everybody has to find their own way through this because everybody’s experience is so unique to them. Your own way may change a million times in any given day. But that does not matter. As long as you keep moving forward and as long as we are always respectful of other peoples experiences, and be kind.
5) And some people would have given anything to make it to the other side of this. And it does not matter if my hair is bit greyer, my stomach a bit wobblier and bank balance hugely dented……I will make it and for that I am hugely thankful. The rest is just noise.
So, do what you can, and once life returns to where I can fix things, I am sure that I will return to a new me. Until then, I will no doubt remain slightly discombobulated, try to give my day some structure and look after myself, and the people I love as best as I can, from a distance. In the meantime, I am going to bake some chocolate brownies and write some postcards to friends because everyone needs a reminder that they are fab, and that life will return to a new normal eventually. Stay safe and look after yourself.
Email: jo@winhurstrecruitment.co.uk
Tel: 0115 972 6513
@winhurstrec