International Women's Day.....I don't celebrate it.
International Women’s Day…..controversially I don’t celebrate it, I don’t acknowledge it (other than writing this on the day) and I’m not sure I even agree with it. Not anymore. And here is why.
My god it was needed many moons ago and without it I wouldn’t be able to sit and write this but do we need a single day to celebrate how amazing women are? Do we even need a Mother’s Day? Because even though I celebrate that day with my beloved Mum, I tell her at the end of every phone call that I love her. I send her flowers if she’s down and I’ll send her a card just because. So why do we need a specific day to celebrate something? At this point I know people will be thinking about Christmas but I don’t celebrate solely on Christmas Day, I use December to catch up with family & friends as I can’t see everyone I love on the 25th December so I never keep it to the one day.
January 2020 started off fine…..for about 1 hour 20 minutes. No hangover, great night and then I got a phone call saying someone I loved very much had been taken into a Hospice. 10.30am New Years Day…... I drove home 150 miles with tears streaming down my face but also hugely thankful I’d had an amazing day with them on Boxing Day. 5 days later they passed without having suffered too much which we are all hugely thankful for. Second week in January I decided to write to some of my closest friends, telling them how much I valued their friendship and how blessed I was to have them in my life.
It was then I cast my mind back to being at school and how friendships come about. I’d grown up in a village where you were just friends with most people. Your group of friends included boys and girls, you went to the pub with your brothers, with your friends brothers who were also your friends. It was easy. We probably took each other for granted but you do when you’re 18. But prior to that I’d always shied away from being in a group of friends. Mostly because at secondary school I was bullied. Nothing too badly, just enough to make those 5 years not very pleasant. And it was always a group of girls, the same group. They were “cool”, they wore United Colours of Benetton jumpers, they chewed gum, they snogged boys in the bike sheds, they possibly wore C&A ski jacket as coats, but we all did so I can’t hold that against them. But they intimidated me, the laughed when I spoke, the told other girls to not be friends with me, they told me to stay away from boys that they fancied and told me I was ugly and that boys would never look twice at me. And when I spoke, I blushed which made me an easier target to pick on. So for those reasons, I always shied away from groups of girls. I always gravitated towards a group of people that always had male and females in it, it is only with hindsight that I see that now.
But 5 years ago, my best friend got married and I arranged her Hen Do. 12 of us had an amazing weekend, 6 of us however just clicked. And now I am part of a group of girls for the first time in my life. At this point I’d like to point out that I have an amazing group of friends, but they’re all from different chapters of my life. A friend who became a penpal when we met on holiday aged 15, best friends from Uni, shared a house in London aged 22, met through friends of friends, worked together many moons ago, grew up in the same village…..all I could actually call a best friend or incredibly close friends who are my cheerleaders. But they’re all separate so to acknowledge I was part of a group of girls was something quite significant. But these girls don’t need one day a year to know that they’re fabulous. We tell each other fairly frequently and not always after some wine!! 3 of them have had the toughest of years this year so we’ve maybe stepped up the love. But do we ever talk about each other behind each others backs? YES WE DO!!! When one is having a tough time, we’re arranging flowers to be sent to cheer them up. We’re ordering books on line to help with grief, we’re planning surprises and making sure that they’re ok. We’re checking in with each other always with best interests at the heart of it. When I hurt my back last year, they were going to drive hundreds of miles to put my shed up for me. I drove 150 miles to wash my friends families bedding when she broke her leg. When one flew in from America as a surprise, we schemed behind the others back to make the “SURPRISE” utterly brilliant.
So being part of a group of women….I’ve seen both sides and I know which one I’m embracing. As well as the individual friendships I have, my “Cheerleaders in Life”, I am thankful and honoured every single day that they want me in their life too. I hope I bring them as much support, love, encouragement and laughter as they bring me. And I saw this written recently…. Because of you, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less and smile a lot more. That’s what a human being should be about. Doesn’t matter if you’re male or female in my eyes. It is whether your heart is kind, as simple as that. And you don’t need a day to celebrate that, every day should be a celebration of a kind heart.
Email: jo@winhurstrecruitment.co.uk
Tel: 0115 975 6513
@winhurstrec